On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
