I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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