there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
