You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
