What did we do last night that was yellow?
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
