its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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