I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Randomize
