sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
