You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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