DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
