There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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