living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize