You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
