Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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