my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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