I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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