Your mouth is God's brothel.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
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