No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
