Plan B is the new Plan A
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
