Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
