actually, I'm a sock model
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
