you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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