he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
