I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize