I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
You may now shotgun with the bride
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
