I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
