I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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