yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
