ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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