someone get that fucking seahorse.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Randomize
