I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
40s are totally the cure
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
