I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
