whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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