Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
