best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
