wat bout pragnant strippers??
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
