You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
