____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
