just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
