we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Randomize
