During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
