can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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