just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
