As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
