She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize