I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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