Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Drunk is a universal language darling
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
