i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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