Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
My breasts were aching with rage.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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