He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
