Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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