I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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