There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
