I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
