I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
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