i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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