Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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