Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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