my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize