Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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