After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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