Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
