Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Randomize
