Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
