i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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