We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
