honey bunches of taint.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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