mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
