fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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