You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
