I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
