Who wears a wallet chain?!
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
