i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
