I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
