So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize