we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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