I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize