he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize