I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
