I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Randomize
