apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
