Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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