thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
