There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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