so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
