My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
