the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
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