This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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