I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
