i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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