Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
