hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
