No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
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