Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
