I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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