Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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