you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
