just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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