She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
