i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
