She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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