I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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