butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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