i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
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